Mobilized Evil

Evil... They are truly evil.  And, yes, I am talking about cell phones again.  This time, I want to rant for a moment of time on the tiny evil spirit that dwells within each phone.  These are more sinister than demonic forces.  For they prey not on your soul but your last nerve, driving you ever closer to foaming-at-the-mouth madness.  Let me give you several examples...

I am walking through the store, desperately trying to get my phone to unlock.  to do so, I must depress a series of buttons in the exact right combination and timeframe, or, like some diabolical video game from the pit of Tartarus, I have to start over.  I make several attempts, but I cannot do it.  The phone, in its electronic silence, mocks me with its faded screen.  Finally, I manage to subdue the hideous, little demon and make my text message.  Then, I wait patiently for the screen to lock, and drop the irritating creature into my pocket.  Seconds later, I bend over to pick up a coin I dropped.  Suddenly, my phone, the same blasted, hell-spawned unit that I could not unlock with both hands, starts dialing outer Mongolia without any trouble whatsoever.  I take it out, and it has unlocked and dialed.  How?!  Evil spirits...

Example two...  I try unsuccessfully on numerous occasions to get the unbelievably simple speaker phone properties to work.  I depress all the unlocking buttons, push this button, switch that button.  You name it, and I try it.  Nothing... Again, the phone taunts me, but remains silent.  So, I walk into a quiet service in my church.  What happens?!  The demonic forces cause a woman's voice to erupt from my pocket asking for commands.  Truly evil!

Finally, I try typing text messages, wanting to simply add a carriage return.  I am certain that I press the correct button, or at least the one that worked the previous time.  Instead, the phone sends my incomplete message.  Then, when I try to send using the same button later, the evil monstrosity glows pleasantly at me and adds fifty carriage returns for the fifty times I have tried to send the message.

I can sense the pervasive evil in the device.  I just cannot figure out how to exorcise the darkness.  Instead, I wake up at night, watching as the device lights up, does some form of ritual update, and wait for the day it takes over the world!  Evil!

Time Travel

I know... I know... nothing new for a while...  Well, wizards lead busy lives you know...  Anyway...

Someone asked me the other day whether or not I felt that time travel was possible.  I mean, what kind of question is that to ask in the middle of a conversation about nothing in particular.  Well, in all honesty, I was waiting for my superhero character on DC Universe Online to heal.  So, I suppose it was as good as anything to ask while we stood there on a Gotham rooftop.  Anyway, so I thought, what an excellent topic to opine upon.  So...

I love the show Doctor Who, and I have since it started.  No, not in the last few years, but all the way back in 50's.  The entire series is awesome!  However, it is founded on a fundamental principal that is quite challenging: time travel.  The idea is easy, of course, but the truth of the idea is beyond complexity.  Set aside the amount of sheer power involved, whether under the laws of physics or magic, and you are left with how to control the passage through the temporal barrier as well as how to contain the rift necessary.  So many dynamic pieces to the equation, but there is a point above all else that must be acknowledged...

Time travel, as we think about it, is simply impossible or, at least, it ends up being a one way journey...  (Of course, time travel is forbidden by God save by Himself and those he chooses.  However, setting that aside...)

Let us create a scenario in which we assume time travel to be possible and feasible.  Our target, the elimination of Adolf Hitler.  We throw the switch or activate the spell, whatever, and here we go...

Now, we are in baby Adolf''s nursery, a gun in our hand.  We have no qualms, so, we end the monster-to-be's existence.  Now, a ripple occurs in time itself.  A wave of change travels forward to our future selves who are just getting ready to jump into the time vortex.  Suddenly, they have no clue as why they are heading to the past because the monster they were trying to kill never existed.  So, they never travel to the past to kill Hitler.  Thus, we vanish and the timeline repairs itself.  Hitler is born, and the whole thing starts over again.  Any moment we could choose to alter would correct itself back to its original pattern.  Absolutely maddening.  So, is time travel possible?  Sure... maybe... But, would it do you any good?  No.

Now, the truth of time travel is that it could only be done in such a manner that your efforts could change nothing, at all.  Otherwise, you run the risk of a temporal ripple that would erase what you are trying to do as described above.  However, remember that the addition of a single molecule or electron could cause an alteration. Of course, it might not.

There you go... clear as mud!

Professor X Could Kick Superman's Can...

When I think of great comic books, only one brand comes to mind.  So, I say, until Wolverine starts running a day-care, make mine Marvel.  Now, you may ask why I choose Marvel over DC.  Of course, you may not care at all, but, either way, allow me to expound.  You see, Marvel simply has more believable superheroes.  It's true.  The Marvel universe has heroes and villains that, while possessing all kinds of powers, have foibles and problems.  They mess up, and they scheme.  They jump back and forth across the line of good and evil, and, more than that, they take out their enemies like you and I would.  Just look at Wolverine.  He is the best at what he does.

Now, let me tell you about the humanly-challenged heroes and villains at DC.  Let's start with Superman.  I know, a measly wizard taking on the Man of Steel?  Well, I do not need Kryptonite.  However, that is where I plan to start...

Ok... you are the most powerful meta-human on the planet.  You can survive in most environments, and you are practically indestructible.  You can see through solid objects and have friends that have all kinds of cool gadgets.  Yet, you have never done a full sweep of the Earth for the one element that can kill you?  C'mon.  If I were the big guy, I would scour the globe, round up all the kryp and destroy it.  Problem solved.  Next, Lex Luthor.  I know the big boy scout can't kill him.  So, send him to phantom zone or lock him up in the fortress of solitude.  Anyway, a totally unbelievable character.

Next, the Caped Crusader, or Batman.  Him, I actually like, but his villains are just totally inane.  He is not a meta-human.  So, why can't seven or eight villains gang up.  Why can't they hire a super-villain like Darkside?  It makes no sense.  Anyone could throw napalm on the bat or trap him in a room without oxygen.  But, they never do!  It makes no sense.

Anyway, just a small rant for the moment... someone find me some kryptonite... now!

Giant Footprint in Africa

Recently, a fellow explorer in the realm of strange and unusual sent the following link for a YouTube video (Giant Footprint).  In the video, Michael Tellinger, an author and explorer, is standing next to what appears to be a giant footprint in, according to Tellinger, solid granite.  The footprint is upright, seemingly the work of some past geological upheaval, and appears to show where a massive foot (belonging to someone over 7 meters tall) stepped in soil in the past and left this fossilized record.  The imprint even seems to depict where the toes had dug in and pushed up the mud at sometime in the past.  So, the question is... Is it Real?

To begin with, before we answer the first question, let's back up and ask a more fundamental question:  Is it at all possible that giants existed?  Now, that is a much more wizardly topic... is it not?  Ok... so, let me adjust my glasses to the end of my nose and appear more scholarly...  there... now...

Oh... let me just state that, for clarity's sake, a mythology, to me, is a religion that has, for all intents and purposes, failed.  Otherwise, it is a religion with extant believers...

Anyway...

We can look at a number of mythologies/religions to show that, at some point in the collective memory of humanity, giants imprinted themselves on our minds, suggesting that there may be some basis of fact for our large, hominid cousins we think of as giants.  For instance, Judeo-Christian scriptures speak of giants in the book of Genesis, and Norse mythology speaks about the Frost Giants (or Jotunn) from Jotunheimr that intermarried with, but often stood in opposition to, the Norse gods.  In Greek and Roman mythology, we have Titans, Cyclopes, Laistrygonians (or Laestrygonians) and myriad of other gigantic hominids revealing themselves.  Pangu (or Pan Gu) appears in oriental mythology, and in Celtic mythlogy, The giant/god Bran led the giants of Wales in battle.  Finally, giants also appear in Native American and Mayan/Incan myths as well.  I will not go into anything specifically here, unless I get asked to.  However, I think the concept of giant hominids is pervasive enough to suggest that they once walked the earth.  Perhaps they still do (bigfoot, sasquatch, yeti, that guy who played chewbacca...oh forget that last one.)  Anyway, I think we could safely argue that it is possible that giants existed.  Now, let's get back to the footprint and our first question... Is it Real?

Ok... (putting on my Science Hat).  To begin with, if the footprint is real.  It could not be in granite.  Why?  Well kids, granite is an igneous rock (and you thought third grade science would never come back to haunt you...).  It forms from magma in the very belly of the earth (ok at least a mile deep).  So, if this giant existed and the rock is granite, the giant must have put its foot in cooling magma a mile or so deep in the earth's crust (I know... a thousand hollow earthers just punched the sky).  Or, the giant had the ability to produce extreme heat as it walked (titans?).  Either way, it is somewhat doubtful that the rock is granite.  Sadly, then, this opens up a great deal of speculation since most other rock is fairly carve-able and can erode quickly (in relation to granite).

Secondly, if the print is real and depicts where the toes pushed the molten magma up... why didn't the years pushing up through the surface flatten the overhang?  Again, maybe if it was granite... but granite can be carved as well (Stone Mountain and has been for centuries, almost as long as we had senses of humor and wanted to play practical jokes.).  So, I find myself believing in the possibility of giants, but... I do not think the footprint is real.

Of course, I don't believe in Donald Trump either... I mean, his hair is more gravity defying than the toe-push in the giant footprint.

Fee Fi Fo Fum....

Defining Magic



Ok... so I promised that, as a Wizard, I would give tips and tricks here and there to all of my would-be apprentices on magic, mysticism, and the like.  Well, I am not your Dumbledore.  So, don't expect me to answer ridiculous questions about love potions, moneymaking spells, or enchantments to help you get ahead.  However, I will, from time to time, post some good information on the mystical, and this is one of those occasions.  Of course, I am going to rant a bit as well... good with the bad and all that... anyway...

One thing that tremendously irks me is when people lump everything out there into the category of "Magic."  It muddies the waters for true seekers and irritates the snarf out of those of us who know what we are talking about.  So, before I let anything else out of the bag, I wanted to set the fundamental paradigm in your heads as to what Magic (capital M intended) is.  However, to do that, I will start with what Magic is not.

Magic, the real stuff, is not legerdemain or sleight of hand.  Now, admittedly, a good deal of what a great stage illusionist can pull off appears magical (don't get me started on the Statue of Liberty trick) and, some magic folk, mix real stuff into stage acts just to be annoying, but while a tremendous skill and hard to develop, stage illusion is not real Magic per se.

Curses are also not magical in the true sense of the word.  Curses are, instead, a supreme act of willpower.  Basically, the person performing the curse focuses the entirety of their will on sending malignancy toward the intended sufferer.  There is no magic involved, but there is a definite cost to the performer's soul as the life of the curse is directly tied to the ongoing will of the enacter.  This is why curses, like the Evil Eye (Malocchio in Italian) are often done when the enacter is enraged or grief-stricken.  The enacter literally channels all of that emotion through their soul and uses a piece to harm someone.  She or he also pays the price in return, and it is non-refundable, so to speak.

Witchcraft and Satanism are also not Magic.  In fact, any arcane system that requires that practitioner to invoke spirits, demons, otherworldly forces, ancestral ghosts, etc. should not be lumped in with Magic less you offend crotchety, old mages like me.  Real wizards do NOT use energy from other sentient beings or animals in any way.  So, I suppose this would also include anything that involves animal sacrifice and voodoo.

Similarly, blessings, prayers and faith magic, OF ANY RELIGION OR MYTHOLOGY, are not magic.  Again, you are calling on forces outside of yourself for results.  These are acts of faith rewarded or divine intervention.  They are not magical, but may be considered mystical.

Ok, so, what is Magic with a capital M?  Magic, real magic, is an innate ability to tap a preternatural power supply within the user to achieve results in reality.  In other words, systems that speak about the focusing of Chi, or Animus, and the like would fall into the realm of real magic as long, and this is important, as the user is simply using her or his own abilities.  Magic is also quite transient for the most, and truly dies with the user.  So, the spells on Egyptian tombs?  Not magic, but acts of faith, calling on old spirits and deities to guard a tomb.

So, how do you find real magic?  You do not.  You are born with it, and you know, from some dim racial memory, exactly what I mean.  It is something in the very bloodline you carry inside of you.  It rings when certain things happen.  It reacts when the conditions are right.  It feels the pull of the storm and the deep welling of the ocean.  It grows in the face of these things and you feel that buoyancy intimately. 

You can sense ghosts with it and spirits.  It can give some glimpses of true insight and others what is ahead.  It can tell you the history of place just by setting foot on its soil or floor, and it flows from a complete agreement of heart and soul.

This then is real magic.  Play with it at your own risk.

The Language that Texters Cannot Speak

I'd love to say that this entry focuses on how texting is destroying the English Language (which, by the way, it is!), but I have an actually greater concern regarding texting that I need to get out there.

Now, I am certain that there are probably psychological or critical articles out there that address this, though I truly did not perform any research to confirm it.  Regardless, something I witnessed, not too long ago, convinces me that we (being humanity) are in danger of losing our ability to converse in our most basic method of communication: body language.  Moreover, I blame it all on texting.

Now, I know what you are thinking.  "He's just some old, grumpy wizard who hates modern technology."  Not so, I say!  In fact, when the abacus came out, I was first in line.  I think I still have it around here somewhere with my Green Acres lunchbox.  But, I digress... texting... evil.  Got it.  I think that, more and more, people are going to lose the ability to recognize the subtle changes or abrupt alterations in body language, because they are simply no longer able to understand them.  Don't believe me?  Here's what I observed.

Several months ago, I was in a video game store, GameStop actually.  It is one of my favorite stores because it carries games for multiple systems and puts great bargains on used items.  Also, the employees are all a bit crazy, and that makes them perfect for avid gamers.  (See I do like modern technology).  Anyway, I was in the store, perusing the new and used Wii games, when the manager, a friend of mine, left for his break.  In doing so, he left the store in the hands of a gentlemen who was very knowledgeable, but who loved to text, even at work.

At the time, there were two young boys in the store and another gentleman, who was viewing the Xbox games.  I went back to looking over the games the store was offering, and after a few moments, a couple came in.  Now, I worked for some time in a retail store, and you pick up the ability to read people if you pay attention.  This couple was easy to read.

She was dressed to the nines, and he was wearing a tweed jacket and jeans.  She was unhappy, obviously so, and he did not care.  You could clearly see it in the way she moved and the way he ignored her.  Any smart person would have the couple on their own, but the eager, young clerk decided to help.  He was missing all the clues. 

The gentleman was going through the games, even multiple copies, one by one, glancing up to make sure his partner was still there and wearing a smirk as he did so.  She was tapping her foot loudly enough for me to hear it, and it was quite clear she did not want to be there.  Again, the clerk missed it all as he approached them.

"Can I help you?"  He asked politely.

"No." She said, narrowing her eyes (a signal for him to back off).

"Sure.  I would like a game."  He partner said.  "Something exciting."

I could see the train wreck coming, but could not stop watching.

Soon, the clerk was pointing out various games, while the woman became increasingly agitated.  At that point, he made the fatal error.  He noticed a book she was clutching.  The cover showed a beautiful young woman with half a zombie face.  I believe it is called Pride, Prejudice, and Zombies.  Anyway, the clerk says "Oh, from looking at your wife here, I see you are into Zombie Horror."  Unfortunately, due to his accent, of sorts, the last word sounded like an unpleasant word for a call girl.  Sadly, that is what the woman heard.  She rounded on him, and the argument exploded.  In the end, the clerk missed the sale, got a slap on the face, and hid miserably behind the counter after calling mall security.  What an adventure.

Later, the store manager confronted the clerk as to what happened.  As the clerk was explaining, I wandered back into the store, and the clerk told the manger "ask that guy, he was here."  The manager asked me, and I related what I had seen.  The manager then asked the clerk if he had noticed how upset the woman was.  The clerk admitted he did not even see it.  He then said that he was not sure he would have know what to look for.  When we asked the clerk if he paid attention to body language, he told us that it was not something he noticed, and stated clearly that he spoke to most of his friends and family via texts.  "So," he said shrugging, "body language doesn't mean much to me."

Believe it or not, I have heard this and seen it several times since then in various circumstances.  It is scary to behold, and it makes my concern rise.  Body language is key to our interaction and understanding, losing it would be bad indeed. 

Anyway, I am done with my rant at this point.  But, you can get another cool take on body language by looking up the show "Lie to Me."  The show provides a dramatic-comic view of how a person can use body language to almost read your mind.  It is awesome, though it is going off the air.

Well... until we are all just numbers, I'll be watching from all angles.  So, let me know your thoughts, or make a gesture... that works too.  At least for now... (cue scary sequel music).



We Need a New Godzilla!

Growing up, some of my favorite movies were, or are, the original Godzilla movies by Toho.  I am not talking about the miserable, misbegotten film with Matthew Broderick.  Nor am I talking about any of the most recent (3rd gen maybe?) films by Toho.  I am talking about those awesome movies where you know the cities are made of balsa wood and the monsters are just people in rubber suits.

There is a near wholesomeness of destruction and lack of contrivance when you watch the campy action (remember the flying Godzilla kick in the movie with Megalon?) and watch the disparity between the original script and the badly dubbed English.  It makes each film worth seeing just to marvel at how Toho threw these together but still managed to make a great film. 

So, why do the new monster movies (Super 8, Cloverfield, atc.) fail to measure up when they have an infinitely bigger budget and access to CGI?  One word, focus.

Now, I am not ranting over camera focus, but over the movie itself.  In newer monster movies, even some of the later Toho features, the script becomes more about the humans involved than the monsters themselves.  For instance, compare Godzilla vs. Mothra to Cloverfield.  In the classic Godzilla, you see and hear more of the monsters than you do the people running around trying to stop them.  You don't get to care if these two firends make it out alive, or if the boy gets the girl.  You are watching the movie to see Tokyo, yet again, trashed.  You are watching to see monsters fighting monsters or crushing buildings.  The human aspect is ancillary.

My kids can watch early Godzilla movies becuase they are fairly clean, and when they do, they don't ask me about the school teacher or the scientist who is running around.  They ask me why Godzilla is using his fist instead of his breath, or why the one baby Mothra moves differently.  The monsters become the actors.  They gain personality and, in some sense, a cause for the viewer to rally behind.

Bring me more peple in rubber suits, less CGI, and kill the humanity in the script.  What audiences want are monsters who act.  And, I am not talking about Cruise or Sheen folks.  Can the FX and bring on the Latex.  Wow, that sounded almost as obscene as the script for the last Superman movie.  That, however, is another rant altogether.

No Autographs, Please.

I know a lot about a lot.  Not bragging, trust me, it's the truth.  I can talk exponentially on just about any topic.  Just ask my family, friends, co-workers, etc.  No one likes to play trivia with me.  I've been accused of everything from memorizing all the answers in the trivia deck to reading the answers in the person's glasses or contacts.  I also like to talk.  Hence, the blog.  Oddly enough, I am not a fan of the digital world, as I feel that the written word (i.e. books for you kindle-addicts) have a near mystical embuement from the ink being pressed into the pages.  Not to mention that at some point, humans are going to cease to be able to communicate in person and grow text pads instead of tongues.  Regardless, I decided to go online.  Why?  So I can share my rants, raves, schemes and dreams with all of you eager apprentices.  Read my blog and I guaranty three things.

1. You will gain a ton of information on a wide variety of subjects.

2. I will offend you at some point.

3. There will be truly mystical passages hidden throughout the blog.  Find the right lines of text, and you might find real magic hidden here.

So, on with motley...