Mobilized Evil

Evil... They are truly evil.  And, yes, I am talking about cell phones again.  This time, I want to rant for a moment of time on the tiny evil spirit that dwells within each phone.  These are more sinister than demonic forces.  For they prey not on your soul but your last nerve, driving you ever closer to foaming-at-the-mouth madness.  Let me give you several examples...

I am walking through the store, desperately trying to get my phone to unlock.  to do so, I must depress a series of buttons in the exact right combination and timeframe, or, like some diabolical video game from the pit of Tartarus, I have to start over.  I make several attempts, but I cannot do it.  The phone, in its electronic silence, mocks me with its faded screen.  Finally, I manage to subdue the hideous, little demon and make my text message.  Then, I wait patiently for the screen to lock, and drop the irritating creature into my pocket.  Seconds later, I bend over to pick up a coin I dropped.  Suddenly, my phone, the same blasted, hell-spawned unit that I could not unlock with both hands, starts dialing outer Mongolia without any trouble whatsoever.  I take it out, and it has unlocked and dialed.  How?!  Evil spirits...

Example two...  I try unsuccessfully on numerous occasions to get the unbelievably simple speaker phone properties to work.  I depress all the unlocking buttons, push this button, switch that button.  You name it, and I try it.  Nothing... Again, the phone taunts me, but remains silent.  So, I walk into a quiet service in my church.  What happens?!  The demonic forces cause a woman's voice to erupt from my pocket asking for commands.  Truly evil!

Finally, I try typing text messages, wanting to simply add a carriage return.  I am certain that I press the correct button, or at least the one that worked the previous time.  Instead, the phone sends my incomplete message.  Then, when I try to send using the same button later, the evil monstrosity glows pleasantly at me and adds fifty carriage returns for the fifty times I have tried to send the message.

I can sense the pervasive evil in the device.  I just cannot figure out how to exorcise the darkness.  Instead, I wake up at night, watching as the device lights up, does some form of ritual update, and wait for the day it takes over the world!  Evil!