Smokers on the Beach

As a wizard, I reserve the right to be cranky frequently.  However, I managed to subvert my ranting nature for a year or so while I made the transition to a Florida lifestyle.  Now, you may think that the warm sun, the temperate climate, and constant beach access would be enough to mellow even the crabbiest of wizards, but we wizards love to be crabby.  It comes with the wand and robes, so to speak.  So, on with the rant...

The sun was beating down on me as I relaxed near the ocean.  I had exchanged my typical wizardly attire for a swimsuit to better blend in with the Floridians around me.  Of course, I kept my glaring expression as it is one of my trademarks.  People avoided talking with me, which was my primary objective, while I collected some incredibly important shark's teeth from the beach.

(We wizards love shark teeth for various components, association with death, and general awesomeness!)

Suddenly, a foul, fetid odor washed over me like the waves I had been enjoying.  Now, being a wizard, I am familiar with troll flatulence, dragon belches, and ogre arm pits.  Yet, none of these could match the grotesqueness and putrid nature of the smell that wafted up my suddenly flaring nostrils.  Immediately, I put on my fiercest glare and searched for the demonic pit that opened to create such a stench, but I found, instead, someone smoking nearly 30 yards down the beach.

I fought the urge to summon a whale or meteor, and looked for something more pleasant smelling to place under my nose, like rotting fish flesh.  So, this rant is born.

Smokers... this is for you.  You have every right to suck on your cancer sticks in your own house, but you won't will you?  No, because you hate the smell too.  Instead, you bring out your rectum rods in the open air and light them up to share the very thing you hate with all those around you.  It is the most disgusting, childish, asinine habit.  So, next time you are on the beach, feel free to light up ad suck it in.  Just don't let it out.

You never know, maybe I will save some of my own body odors up in a jar, bring it to the beach, and let it blow over you!  Nuff said!